a little Texas humor

Just gt this today...

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Listen asshole,  I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  "See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.  No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems
likely that he'll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is
clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence to help, and yells at the top of his lungs.....


" YOUR BADGE..... SHOW...HIM....YOUR.... BADGE ! "

LMAO!!! Ok thats funny.

That was funny! Saw the bull coming, but not the badge part. Great stuff!

When I'm on my computer I'll type up another texas joke.

Lmao, YOU OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD. AND A COKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, so I promised you a good one when I got to my computer, so here it goes...

It's a bit long, but I think it's worth it.

A city boy decides he's gonna take up dove hunting. So he buys him a good old Remington 870 pump 12 Ga, and finds himself what he thinks is a perfect day dove lease.

Now he's so excited it's finally opening day. He gets set up by a tank near a lonely mesquite tree at the edge of the lease. A few yards behind him is the fence for a neighboring farm. Since the farmers house and barn are close to the fence, he decides to face away so there won't be any chance of shooting toward the farmers house.

As the afternoon drags on his excitement starts to give way to frustration as no birds fly in his direction. Well the frustration yields to desperation as the sun is near setting and the hunting is almost up. "Just one bird, I want just one bird", he says.

Sure enough off to the east a solo comes in strait toward him. This is his chance he thinks. With nervous patience he waits for the bird. At the precise moment he pops up, shoulders his gun and takes aim. Pop!-Pop!-Pop! Three shots, but wait, the bird starts to fall. Hooah, he thinks to himself. but the bird carries over his head and falls on the other side of the fence just on the edge of the roof to the farmer's barn. Doggone the luck. One lousy bird and it lands where he can't get it. "To h@#$ with it", he says, "I can get over there get the bird and get back and nobody will ever know."

Just as he knocks the bird off the edge of the barn here comes the farmer with his very own 870. "Hey, there city boy", he calls out. "That's my bird your takin'. So hand it over." The city boy tries to explain his situation but the farmer just stares at him.

Finally the farmer says, "alright, I'll make you a deal. We'll play a game for it. The winner gets the bird. The loser goes home empty handed."

City boy is desperate so why not. "Whats the game, farmer?", he asks.

The farmer says to him, "We take turns kickin' each other in the groin. Last man standing wins"

"Sounds tough there, farmer, but I was a place kicker in college. I like my chances. I'll even give you first shot. How's that, farmer?"

Well city boy sets down his gun and the dove. He spreads his legs just a bit wider than shoulder width and defiantly says to the farmer, "Let 'r rip old man!". Well the farmer kicks the city boy hard enough to knock him off his feet. After a few minutes of coughing, crying, and getting his lungs operational again, the city boy collects himself. His turn.

He turns to the farmer and says, "you ready, farmer?".

The farmer says to him, "Hell no, city boy! Keep your stupid dove I don't like the way they taste anyway."

Love that joke. I'm an avid dove hunter and this was one of my mother's favorites. I really love telling it, and can't help but think she laughs down from heaven every time I do. Hope you all enjoy it!